A year from now...

After a very long night, as you were lying in bed, talking with me before you went to sleep, you closed your eyes and told me to imagine what it will be like a year from now, if everything goes as we hope. The slow, beautiful smile that crept across your face warmed my heart, and I wished very much that I could have held you in that moment. That, more than anything, will be what a year will bring.

A year from now, you will be coming home to me at the end of your shift. You may even be working a day shift, by then, in a less trying position. We’ll be able to spend time together after I finish work, before the girls are done with school, then with them. After they’re all tucked into bed, we can sit together in the quiet, with some tea, just cuddling and talking quietly, the way we do now when we’re able, only close enough to touch and kiss, things which I desperately miss in your absence, and which I know you miss, too.

We’ll be able to start planning little adventures, and maybe even a few larger ones. We can work at our business, maybe start doing lectures and presentations, all the cool things that we want to do, that would give us the ability to travel, and get you out of institutional work. Our days will be filled with love and touch and the long, winding deep conversation that never really stops, just pauses for life to happen. I can’t wait to spend that life with you, my sweet girl, and I love you so.