Baggage...

You once told me that, by our age, everyone has baggage from their past that gets carried into our relationships. As is usually the case, I think you're right. I also think it's a pretty universal fear that our baggage, no matter how unpacked and well sorted, will be too much for anyone else to handle. Humans are funny that way.

Night before last, one of my old suitcases very unexpectedly exploded everywhere. It was one that I'd thought I'd taken care of years ago and, in fairness, I had, in as much as one can without having the situation that created it happen again. That's the problem with old wounds; you can't heal them fully until the bad thing happens again with a good ending, so you can sort of refill the suitcase with the healthy better stuff. And we did, together.

In the initial aftermath of it all, you offered me reassurance, then, once we had time, we sat together and did what we do, we talked, loved, supported. We unpacked it all, with gentle, careful hands, and replaced the things I didn’t need, the fear, the pain, with the things I do, the security and the life that we’re building. We heal the past with the grace of the present, and dreams of a brighter future, I think, and we seem to have a lot of both. Thank you for doing this with me, my love. 

Last night, the same sort of trigger happened and, rather than exploding everywhere, it was more like a single latch of the suitcase popped open, and I shook my head and snapped it back shut. It was easy as that, and I know how to fix that latch, come morning. Watching the two of us heal in real time is a pretty amazing thing to see, and an incredibly validating sign of our love and the approach we take to it. Because we do have a lot of baggage, true, but we’ve also got a lot of love, courage, patience, and grace. 

Looking at the pictures of us from when we met to now, you can see the light in our eyes change, grow brighter, and the ones when we’re together, well…everyone else seems to see that there, too. The bags aren’t bad, in themselves, because, once they’re cleared out, they leave all the more room for putting into them the things we want to carry, the memories, the love, all of it. The more bags we have, once tended, the greater and deeper a capacity for love to be carried where pain and sorrow once were. Thank you for…well, just being us. I wouldn’t want to travel through this life with anyone else more. I love you, so very, very much.