Care vs control...

Yesterday, when you went on your walk and took me with you, as you will in a little while again, you started to get a bit of heat exhaustion near the end. Thankfully, you were close to home, and able to take breaks, when you needed to, in the shade. I got you to tell me stories (not that getting either of us to do that is ever very hard) so I could make sure you were alright during the walk home, and, as you had to go, reminded you, not for the first time that day, to drink more water. I also said I’d remind you to bring your water bottle on future walks, just to be safe. You thanked me, told me how much it means that I look out for you like that, just as you do for me.

The rest of the evening, I started to give it some thought. It’s a very fine line between caring for someone and controlling them, something you and I have both learned from partners in the past. I try to be extremely conscious of that, as I never want to be another man who told you what you can and can’t do, or who you can or can’t be. I want to be the one who encourages you to dream and do the things you want, even when your fear says you can’t, because, even if you can’t, it’s important to know that you can try. 

The first time you were out late, just a little after we met, I asked you to let me know when you got home safely, something I do for the people I care about because too many of those I’ve loved haven’t made it home over the years. After I did, I started to worry that you’d take that as my being patronizing, so I checked in once you did get home. You said it made you feel safe and loved, but also thanked me for checking in. Since then, I’ve learned you’re the same way, so we work well together there, too, but I needed to be sure.

I trust that our openness and willingness to have the hard conversations, which don’t really feel all that hard with you, because of how we are, will always tell me if I’m stepping over a line, but, all the same, know that I want to share your life, not manage it. You are such a beautiful, wild soul, and watching you flourish in our love, just as I have, has been amazing. I’d never want to get in the way of that, especially not by making you manage any discomfort I might be feeling. My emotions are mine to tend, even if I may need a little help or reassurance from time to time in doing so, just as, again, we all do. Because I love you, my sweet girl, all of you, just as you are, and whatever it is you become as we grow, I’ll feel the same. Thank you for making me feel safe, for looking after me, and for trusting me to always walk that line well for you, too.