For granted...

Yesterday, when you went to sleep for the first time in your new home, you were feeling sad, so I asked if you’d like me to leave the video call on until you fell asleep. You said you’d very much like that, and set it up so that I could watch over you. I did, but, once you were asleep, I picked up my book and decided to read until you woke up, just in case you were still sad. When you did wake an hour or so later, you started to reach for your phone before you’d even opened your eyes. You saw me and your face lit up, tears coming back for a moment, though of a different sort. You thanked me for staying with you, which was sweet of you, but I thought…of course I stayed. It cost me nothing to make sure you felt safe, in as much as I could from so far away, and gave you so much. 

The other night, when we were talking, I said that I was grateful for how much reciprocity there is in our relationship. I feel as though we both give and take, though we also both struggle a bit still with the taking from time to time. But that’s healing, I suppose, and it was made evident when you told me you felt you asked for far more reassurance and support than I do, and I laughed and told you I felt the same way about my own need for those things. In the end, we decided that it’s part and parcel of healing, learning to find that balance less with our partners than within ourselves. We’ve built a place where we can both feel safe to ask for what we need, from the tiny things to the massive ones, but I think we’re both still getting used to it all, growing accustomed. I think that might be a good thing, in a sense, because it means we’re far less likely to ever take that beautiful space for granted. I know I certainly don’t intend to. I love you, my sweet girl, with all my heart and soul.